I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
