i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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