You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
