After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my poor anus
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
