I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
