I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
