i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
