Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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