I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
