explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize