Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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