Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
