I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
