WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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