No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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