Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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