so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
