First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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