Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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