Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
