I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
