I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
