Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
