: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
