Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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