Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
