Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she peed on how many people?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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