His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The uberlube is also flammable
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
