Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
