I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
