sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
