I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
