the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
