the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.