I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.