Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.