but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.