playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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