no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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