so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
