Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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