we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
