so explain again why im purple
no
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
