OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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