Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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