R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
