Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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