We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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