Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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