it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
