She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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