woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
