Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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