So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
