I think I just saw someone hide a body.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
