He kissed a someone with a penis
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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