This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His hands were made for my vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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