Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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