I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
