i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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