Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
