Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
