New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
