he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
