You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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