Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
