Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
