my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
