i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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