i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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