I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
