we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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