Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
