Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
