Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
