He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
