Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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