i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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