i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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