I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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