His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
